I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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