Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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