tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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