Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize