Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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