I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ruined the universe
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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