and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize