thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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