but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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