you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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