I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I supernannyed him into submission
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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