they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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