Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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