"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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