She said her name was "party"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
