one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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