if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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