I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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