maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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