Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sober January is a disaster.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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