dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize