I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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