So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize