The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
worst night to have a conscience
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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