i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize