I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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