Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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