My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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