his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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