Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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