I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want a musical about memes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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