is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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