I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize