I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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