Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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