xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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