why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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