if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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