why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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