Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We need to get me chipped asap
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