Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize