I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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