btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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