I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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