good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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