Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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