I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize