Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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