Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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