She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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