I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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